I Was Totally Used… and I Loved It

Last night, something happened that I have to share. It was subtle, brilliant, and honestly? One of the coolest examples of why I train my dogs the way I do. It’s also a masterclass in how dogs use their learned behaviours to communicate—and to get exactly what they want.

So, it’s late, and I’m upstairs doing something —loading the dishwasher, maybe grabbing a snack. Normally, the dogs and I hang out in the basement in the evenings, but I’d left the gate open without realizing. That’s when I noticed Ella.

At first, she was just lying in a dog bed upstairs. But as soon as I started heading back downstairs, she jumped up and bolted to the top of the stairs. Then she looked at me.

Now, that look? That’s one of the very first behaviours I teach my dogs—and one I reinforce often. It seems small, but it’s huge. It’s a check-in that says, “Hey, I’m with you,” or “I want something,” or in this case, “Follow me.”

So I did.

She went halfway down the stairs, looked back again. I reassured her—“Yeah, I’m coming”—like I always do. She waited at the bottom until my feet hit the tile. Then she crossed the living room, jumped onto the couch, and started chewing a beef bone I hadn’t even noticed in her mouth.

And that’s when it hit me.

She used me. I was a literal human escort, a walking buffer zone. She had the one and only high-value bone that night—and instead of risking any tension with the other dogs, she relied on a well-practiced behaviour (that check-in) to get me to escort her past them and onto the couch.

I was so elated. This was nerdy dog stuff at its best.

Ella trusted me. She knew that behaviour gets my attention. She’s used it a million times—for food, to ask to go upstairs, to signal that she wants something. That check-in has a massive history of reinforcement. And now she was applying it in a whole new way: to navigate a social situation without conflict. Just… subtle communication and clever strategy.

And this—this right here—is the kind of thing I wish more people understood about training. Teaching sits and stays has its place, sure. But what really matters is giving our dogs skills they can use. Not just for obedience, but to interact with us and the world in smarter, safer, and more respectful ways.

Because dogs? Dogs are always trying to:

• Gain access to something they want (food, safety, space, attention),

• Or avoid something they don’t want (conflict, discomfort, threat).

• When we teach them little behaviours—like eye contact, check-ins, stationing, or targeting—we’re not just creating “obedient” dogs. We’re building a communication system. One they will use in creative, thoughtful ways… if we reinforce it well.

  That night, Ella didn’t just keep her bone. She reinforced me for listening, noticing, and understanding her signals. And I couldn’t be prouder.

  I was totally used. And it was fucking fantastic.